Monday, April 14, 2008

Such Great Sorrow...

...I have not felt before in my life. This must be what a broken heart feels like.

Our birth mom changed her mind. She is on her way now to come and pick up Evan. Dave and I have cried so much tonight, that we have run out of tears and are now just numb. We don't know why God allows such pain - especially as every single aspect of this adoption seemed so miraculous. We would never want to stand in the way of a mother who wanted her child, but we love him too. For 5 days, we were Evan's mommy and daddy - and it just hurts so much to have to give him back.

Thankfully, we have the Lord to help us through this. We know there is a reason for our pain, and we know that God loves us. It says so in his Word, and that is where our hope is now. To Him we will cling...

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Lamentations 3:22-26, 32-33

29 comments:

secret said...

Oh, Nona, Dave, Sammie and Evan -
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. I have no words to comfort you, just to let you know that I am thinking of you during this difficult time. I pray that the BM will do the best for baby Evan and that he will know a life of love and happiness...
B.G.

Stacy said...

Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time!

Lisa said...

I am sorry that I do not know what to say, as I know no words will comfort you as this time..
God loves us and will do what is best for us, and we will understand it better bye and bye..
Im feeling your pain Nona,
Love Ya,
Lisa

ScrappingMomof3 said...

Nona, words just aren't enough right now. You don't "know" me but a CTMH sister has been following your journey as she is an adoptive mom too. I just wanted to give you a big cyber hug and let you know I was here, praying for you and your family, and I only pray as well that Evan's biological mom never takes him for granted one second of his life. ~april

sharalyns said...

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry. This is just so hard. We are praying arms of love and comfort for all of you right now. I pray that the BM will take good loving care of little Evan.

Please know that you can call *any* time here.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

lisascreativecorner said...

Oh Nona, I am so, so, so sorry. I have no words of comfort other than the Lord will be with Evan no matter where he is. We will keep you and him in our prayers. Big hugs!!!

Paper doll said...

All of you are in my prayers.

Jamia

kari said...

Words cannot convey how incredibly sorrowful I am for you guys.... Unfortunately.. I know all too well that particular pain. We had an adoption fall through as well...before my sons adoption. I will pray for peace and understanding.... both for you and the birth mother. God will not fail you, I will pray for Him to surround you with His all encompassing peace and He will guide you through the days ahead.
Kari fellow CTMH sister

Heather said...

I am thinking of you and praying for your family and Evan's birth family during this difficult time.
Heather - fellow CTMH sister

Maricar said...

Oh Nona,
I don't know what to say. I think in times like this you MUST lean on His hand to hold you up and somehow His hand is working in this despairing situation. I don't understand it. I can't offer words on consolation. Just know that you are lifted in prayer.

Kari said...

Praying for your family Nora.

emmabella said...

My heart is just aching for you all! I've lost two little ones (in utero) myself but I can't imagine what it must be like to lose one after you have held him in your arms. God knows the depth of your grief and his grace is sufficient to heal. My prayers are with you.

Ann said...

Sweet, dear Nona & family,
My heart is breaking upon hearing the news. Of course my prayers are for each of you, but the Lord is really pressing me to lift up little Sammie. How confusing this must be for her. I will pray protection over her precious mind, that this would not cause her to feel anything other than loved and cherished by you and Dave (and God!). I pray that the Lord will begin deep, deep repairs on your broken hearts. I can't even see through the tears to type... please reach out if you are in need of anything, in the meantime prayers are what I can and will do. Love, "Nurse Ann"

Christie said...

Dear Nona,
I am grieving with you as the news of this saddens me. Know that I am praying for you, Dave, Sammie, Evan, and Melissa.

Love and HUGS,
Christie

Kathi Carlson said...

I am without words but have a heart that aches for yours. You, your family, and baby Evan are in my prayers.

lauxbug227 said...

Nona, Dave and Sammie my heart is broken for you guys. I pray for all of you and lil "E". As a fellow ctmh sister, I have been following your journey. I have no words of comfort but I just want to let you all know I am praying and thinking of you all.
~Shannon

Alyssa Walters said...

Nona, my heart is breaking for you. You will all continue to be in our prayers. Praying for peace and comfort and God's grace right now.

Marion Hottman said...

Dearest Dave,Nona and Sammie,

Im so sorry for the way things turned out, All i know is that when God closes he opens a window that you might see, I LOVE YOU GUYS and thankful for the time that we spent together. Words can NEVER say how I feel, I know that you guys were the perfect parents for this little baby, Please know that I know God has a BEAUTIFUL gift for you guys in store, Keep yourself open to the Lord for he is not finished with you yet. I LOVE YOU and pray for Gods very BEST for you. Phil. 4:13 Love in Jesus.
Love Grandma Marion Hottman

Pammiewhammie said...

Nona - dear Nona.... please know that I am lifting you all in prayer. I pray that the Lord with his MIGHTY LOVE for each of us will wrap you in a huge blanket of love, bring you comfort and peace in this. I also pray that he will keep the birthmom and "E" near to his heart and show them His grace as well.
HUGS HUGS and More HUGS for each of you...
In Christ
Pam

EmileeAnn said...

Nona,
It's amazing what a great community we are a part of. I've never met you, but your story has touched my heart. I was thrill for all of you when you found out about baby Evan. And I've been so saddened by the sudden turn of events. I just want to let you know that you and Baby Evan have been in my thoughts and prayers. May the Lord truly comfort you and your family in this time. Even when we can't see it, God always knows what is best for us.

A fellow CTMH sister,
Emilee Smith

Kim - ScrapToMyLu said...

Nona,
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain involved for everyone. I'm just so so sorry.

sparkplug17 said...

Nona- I am so sorry! All of you will be in my thoughts.

Scrap Jaci said...

I am sooo sorry to hear of this pain you are going through. What a sad thing to have happen. I am praying for your family. Hugs and luv to all.

Donna said...

Nona,

I don't know what to say. Just I'm sorry and I will be thinking of you and your family.

Donna

Laurel said...

I just checked your blog, I am so sorry. Will be thinking about you.

Rebekah said...

Nona, Dave and Sammie,

All I can say is that you are loved. Not just by our Heavenly Father, but also by the people He surrounds you with. Many hearts break with you. We will continue to pray for you. Much love, Bekah

Stampin n da Hood said...

Nona, my heart is breaking for you as well.
No words of wisdom here....
I just can't imagine.
Love to you all

Jamey said...

I am truly hurting for you and your family. As someone considering adoption, this is heartbreaking. The sadness is unimaginable I'm sure. You will be in my prayers.

mel4christ said...

Nona,

I am very sorry for your heart ache. I will lift you and your family up in prayer. May you find strength, comfort and healing in HIS promises for He is faithful!

Sincerely,
Melanie Carroll
CTMH